Why Sexual Fantasies Reveal a Grammar of Desire

The key to how desire shapes everything we choose, do or build from personal dates to global systems.

All sexual fantasies are the story of our ego’s resistance to letting go, and our desire’s attempt to dissolve us.

Sexual fantasies are consciousness tech that change our state of consciousness.

It’s through thousands of encounters in my former role as a sex worker and pro dominatrix that I was able to identify the three paradoxes inherent to desire, and how to navigate them. That is, read and activate the underlying tensions according to each client's unique desire signature.

Sex is hot when the paradoxes are activated, and satisfying when navigated well.

That’s right, your taboo turn-ons are not because of your childhood, the church, your attachment styles or trauma. Those things are merely downstream costumes through which these pre-cultural, pre-childhood structural tensions express themselves.

The paradoxes are inescapable consequences of a self/desire existing at all. They are structural aspects of existence. They are what allows existence to become.

Paying close attention to how fantasies navigate these structural tensions reveals the operating system of how desire works everywhere else in non sexual ways too. Everywhere a self exists. A cell, a person, a system, a culture. The three paradoxes allowed me identify a functional grammar, that looks like a pretty damn good candidate for a universal grammar of desire.

It’s just that the sexual version gives us the rawest access. You see fantasy is the one place you can feel the tensions of the paradoxes without the consequences. That means that desire doesn’t need to dilute or censor its mechanisms in fantasy. It’s all laid out.

Testing this live in sex work, I got to see pretty quickly if my hypothesis was working or not. It became so I could read each person’s desire signature and if I was right the results were obvious. If not, equally as obvious.

I explain how the three paradoxes play out inside fantasies in this YouTube interview with Dr Dawn Dalili.

Stay tuned for the paper I am writing on this, which outlines where I am in developing this work, and seeking funds to test it at scale. Because if this is what I think it is, the implications are staggering.

Contact me if you want to help develop this work through effort or funding.

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Author: Artemisia de Vine Desire Literacy and Ontological Systems Architect | Mistress of Paradox | Applied Tech Anthropology | Founder of The deVinery Method and The Dandelion Project